Well, at least it's involuntary on my part.
I have had 13 wonderful months nursing my beautiful babies, but they have become less and less interested in nursing over the past couple of weeks. Miles hasn't nursed in 3 days now, and Vivienne is only nursing for a couple minutes each morning before losing interest.
I have to admit that this makes me sad. I loved breastfeeding my children. It has been such an amazing experience to bond with them - like a language that only they and I speak. I guess this is one more step in the many, many steps that they will take in growing up and becoming more independent.
A part of me wishes that I was able to have a clearly defined "last nursing session" with them so that I could embrace the experience and let go of it on my own terms. Of course, that's not how things work, though. There aren't a lot of "my own terms" happening these days with parenting. I don't think Miles will ever nurse again, and at this point, I probably won't keep trying to have Vivienne nurse in the mornings.
It is interesting how quickly Vivienne lost interest after Miles. I think she doesn't like nursing without him. They almost always tandem breastfed. Twins are an amazing phenomenon.
I am proud of myself for pushing past the first two months of discomfort and uncertainty. I'm proud that I persevered through mastitis and pain so bad that it would make me wince. I'm proud that I pumped after every single nursing session for weeks after my twins were born (even in the middle of the night when I thought that the sleep deprivation was going to kill me). After the first couple months, breastfeeding became one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I'm trying to focus on being thankful for this experience, even though this chapter is coming to a close.
I would like to think that letting go will get easier as I get more years of motherhood under my belt. Something tells me that will not be the case.