Jason and I have wanted to have babies since we got married. It took us a little longer than we thought to get pregnant, which included some scary tests and one outpatient procedure. (I will eventually get around to writing about those things, because I think it affects a lot of women, and I would love to share my experiences with anyone else who is facing the same thing... you're not the only one.)
Don't get me wrong - I am overjoyed that we're having children. And not only are we having one baby, but we're having TWO! I just cannot wait to meet them, and I love them to pieces already.
However, I was emailing a dear friend recently about some mourning that associates all this joy. While I'm thrilled to have these babies, there is a small piece of me that mourns the end of this part of my life. A new chapter is opening, but that means that a chapter is closing. Jason and I have been married for three wonderful years, and it has been wonderful to share my life with him. We have already had many great adventures - Hawaii, Yosemite backpacking, 4 Ironmans (him racing, me cheering him on in Arizona, Idaho, Lake Placid), two half marathons (where we actually did run together), moving across the country, buying our first home together. It has been an amazing time in my life, and I have loved every day of being married to him.
There is a part of me that is sad to lose that. These babies are going to change our lives forever. I know that these changes will be mostly wonderful things, but I recognize at the same time that I am also letting go of something.
Of course, the loss is definitely worth the gain in this case. As one chapter closes, a new one begins. Our great adventures will just have to take a new shape now...